Of Frost and Royals
by Keeper of the Fandom
Summary: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, heir apparent to the kingdom of Berk, son of King Stoick the Vast, was quite surprised to one day find a gigantic Frost Dragon poking its head into his bedroom, asking very politely to kidnap him.
1. Chapter 1

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, heir apparent to the kingdom of Berk, son of King Stoick the Vast, stared in a surprised manner at the dragon sticking its head in through his balcony doors.

Now, this dragon wasn't black or red or green, as dragons usually are. This one was possessed of scales shaded pure white and eyes of icy blue, which made sense when one took into consideration that this particular dragon hailed from the far north and spewed from its teeth-laden maw nothing but the coldest of permafrost. It was, quite appropriately, referred to as a Frost Dragon, and to see one this far south was, while not unheard of, extremely uncommon.

This was not why Hiccup was flabbergasted, however, nor was it simply the shock of seeing a dragon in his bedroom. No, Hiccup was merely surprised that a dragon had managed to, quite literally, land on a rampart and stick its big nose into the castle's business without anybody noticing. Stoick the Vast was, while not overly paranoid, a very security-conscious king, and surely the vast amount of guards should have seen _something_ , right?

"Oh," Hiccup finally managed to get out through his surprised stupor, "Uh, hi there. Can I, uh...help you?"

The dragon nodded immediately.

" _Yes, actually. I didn't really wanna come so far south, because it's a little too warm for my tastes, but you're the only prince that's close enough for it to make sense,_ " the dragon replied in its native tongue, the draconian language of Dragonese, and although it was a complicated and slightly ridiculous language, all the residents of the kingdom could understand it due to a spell cast by an ancient wizard.

It was _supposed_ to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies, but oh well.

"And why do you need a prince, specifically?" Hiccup questioned, and the dragon rolled its eyes.

" _My dad,_ " it replied, an edge of exasperation to its voice, " _He's really old fashioned, and he told me that until I steal a princess, I'm not really a grown dragon._ "

Here, though, the dragon took on a conniving tone. " _He never actually_ said _princess, though, so I thought I'd surprise him_."

Hiccup snickered along with the dragon, commenting, "Sounds like something I would do. He's been really annoying about it, I take it?"

The dragon rolled its eyes with an emphatic, " _You have_ no _idea_."

"Alright then," Hiccup concluded, throwing the fur comforter off of himself and bounding over to his wardrobe, "Let's go for a fly."

The dragon beamed, which was actually quite terrifying considering the amount of teeth it had, and waited patiently for Hiccup to get dressed. After considering for a moment, Hiccup decided to just bundle up in every layer of clothing he had, because of course the northern territories of the frost dragons was bound to be a bit nippy.

Once Hiccup was suitably satisfied, had written a note to his parents, and had a pack packed with even _more_ articles of clothing stuffed inside, he bounded back over to the dragon, who pulled its head out of the window and turning around to allow the young prince to climb onto its neck.

With a mighty flap of wings, they were off.

* * *

Valhallarama, Queen of the kingdom of Berk, strolled into the throne room and sat down beside her husband with a decidedly amused expression gracing her features. The king glanced at the smaller, vacant throne on his other side, and leaned over to address his wife.

"Where's Hiccup?" the king questioned lowly, so as to not interrupt the peasant rambling about his problems, and Valhallarama's amused smirk widened.

"He's gone to help a dragon defy his father in a streak of teenage rebellion," she said, holding up a letter festooned with Hiccup's messy scrawl.

Stoick's eyebrows shot up to his forehead.


	2. Chapter 2

There was but one thing that Hiccup had neglected to consider when he had climbed onto the frost dragon's back and went gallivanting off into the sunset.

Cold.

"IT is FREEZING up here!" Hiccup shouted in a rather complaining sort of voice about half an hour into their flight, struggling to be heard over the whipping wind. They had been flying steadily north, and it seemed that the lowering temperature was offsetting whatever warmth that the rising sun could provide, which apparently wasn't much. The kingdom of Berk had snow nine months of the year and hail the other three, so of course it was no stranger to cold, but this was ridiculous! Gale-force winds threatened to tear Hiccup's fur cloak straight off of his neck, not to mention _him_ off of the dragon's _back_ , and whenever the garment flapped open even the slightest amount the small boy was wracked with chills.

His clothing wasn't really suited to keeping out wind.

" _You're sitting on the back of a frost dragon flying higher than any human has ever been before, little princeling. What do you_ expect?!" came the amused shout from the creature below him, and Hiccup directed a mutinous glare to the back of the scaly neck he was currently seated on.

"Not this!" he yelled back petulantly, wishing he was secure enough to let go of the dragon's neck so he could cross his arms in a pout. As it was, he had to hold on slightly tighter as the dragon's body began to shake with suppressed laughter, and his eyes narrowed.

"Nothing about this situation is funny at all ever!" he screamed, but that only made the laughter intensify.

Giving a small huff of annoyance, he chanced a look around them and clamped down on the sickness that threatened to rise from being so gosh darn high above the ground. It was a beautiful sight, what with the sunlight making bodies of water glimmer like precious stones and forests waving in the wind that Hiccup was feeling _all too much right now thank you very much_ , but honestly one could only take so much of it in before growing bored.

A regular person might remain entranced for half an hour, on average.

Hiccup, being Hiccup, barely made it to five.

"I am bored and cold and everything is terrible!" Hiccup announced crossly, "How far away is your father again?"

" _If you wanted to be warm, maybe agreeing to getting kidnapped by a dragon of ice and snow wasn't the best idea_?" the dragon suggested innocently, snickering once again at Hiccup's inaudible growl, " _But anyway, if we continue on like this it's only a few hours away_."

"And if we continue on like this for 'a few hours', there's a chance I'll be frozen when we get there!" Hiccup protested, glancing around the open air around them as if some kind of solution would just be passing by on _another_ incredibly-polite and parentally-contrary dragon. After, predictably, finding nothing of the sort, Hiccup gave a kind of hopeless little huff and asked, "Can we at least fly lower? I'm not kidding, humans are _much_ more susceptible to cold than dragons!"

There was a small pause of consideration, and then the dragon made a noise of acquiescence and—

Oh.

Well.

Maybe he could have phrased that better.

The dragon's wings immediately stopped flapping and drew in close to its body, momentum keeping them aloft for _just_ long enough for Hiccup to realize what a monumentally _terrible_ idea getting up today had been and subsequently reaffirm his grip on the dragon's neck spine before they began to plummet towards the earth.

There was a whole lot of screaming, a few garbled pleas directed in the gods' direction, and the overjoyed and exuberant laughter of one incredibly childish frost dragon following the two figures as they tumbled out of the sky. There were no midair acrobatics, thankfully, but in Hiccup's expert opinion, the fall itself was _quite_ terrifying enough, thank you very much. They approached the ground at a blistering speed, and just when it seemed like they would inevitably plough straight into the dirt and never make it to showing up the dragon's over-traditional father, the dragon's wings snapped out from its sides and levelled them out into a soft, even glide.

Last night's dinner promptly rushed up and out.

* * *

" _You were right_ ," the dragon grumbled, arching its head around and spitting another mouthful of water onto its soiled back, " _Everything is terrible, now and forever_."

After the rather impromptu reappearance of Hiccup's dinner, the dragon had given a shout of disgust and immediately landed beside the nearest river to clean itself off. Allowing a pale and shaky Hiccup to clamber his way up onto its head before delivering him safely to the ground, he immediately set about purging Hiccup's purge from what it described as its 'most holy and sanctified body'.

"That's not the way I worded it," Hiccup commented idly from a large flat rock, digging through his pack for the spare clothing he had packed and summarily donning every spare garment he could find, "And besides, it wouldn't have _had_ to be terrible if you hadn't decided to play catch with the human on your back."

The dragon's head immediately ducked in shame. " _Ah, yeah, well_ …" it mumbled into its own side, " _I admit I forgot how fragile humans are. Sorry for that, little princeling_."

Hiccup waved a dismissing hand from the inside of yet another thick shirt, trying to also make a noise of forgiveness but failing miserably considering that his head was stuck on the collar of the thing. Growling slightly, he pulled harder before the garment gave way with a painful scraping of his ears, and with a small curse and a rubbing of the side of his head he resumed his scrabbling for more clothing.

"It's fine," he reassured absently as he took out another pair of pants, eyeing his own legs contemplatively before shrugging and standing up to try and fit the things on himself, "You couldn't— ACK— be expected tooooo WHOA! Uh, know about those things if I'm your first—!"

His sentence was cut off by his suddenly thumping to the ground. The dragon exploded into laughter.

"Ahaha, very funny," Hiccup grumbled, pulling the pants all the way on before climbing back up to his feet, "Like you could do any better."

" _W-well I mean_ ," the dragon gasped out between guffaws, " _I'm no fashion guru, but I could probably avoid falling on my own ass, at least_!"

Hiccup only scoffed. "You are _literally_ a two-ton lizard," Hiccup snarked as he rooted around for, yes you guessed it, _yet another_ pair of pants and a shirt, "You'd sooner start a fire than fit into these."

The dragon didn't answer, but suddenly there was an explosion of wind and fury and snow and thunder and _oh dear gods the world was TEARING ITSELF APART AT THE SEAMS AND_ —!

The end of the world stopped.

There was a slight shuffling noise.

And then, an arm as pale as the full moon on a winter's night reached around him and plucked the spare clothing from his hands. Hiccup was understandably quite flabbergasted, and by the time he was able to gather himself and turn around, the owner of the hand was already halfway through struggling into the pants.

The dragon previously known as 'two-ton lizard' was much thinner than Hiccup would have imagined of the embodiment of a slow, icy death on mountainside. He hopped around on a single slight leg, the other one raised heavenward in an attempt to finagle the uncooperative bottoms onto his bottom, and yes, Hiccup confirmed with a quick glance and a lot of blushing that he was most _definitely_ at least biologically a male. His snow white hair — and wasn't that just predictable? — flopped around with each little hop he made, and the eyes that were scrunched up in annoyance were as blue as the purest sapphire in King Stoick's treasure room.

"Aha!" the not-a-dragon cried out in triumph as the pants finally slid all the way up onto his pale, smooth legs, and Hiccup was just in time to raise an eyebrow in unimpressed amusement before he looked up at the prince with a hint of smug pride in his eyes.

"Halfway there, little princeling," the not-a-dragon teased, and for some reason the perfectly appropriate nickname earned a flush of heat crawling up the back of Hiccup's neck.

"Kind of," he replied dryly instead of making an embarrassing noise like he wanted to, "Are you sure they're not on backwards?"

The newly-made human froze, eyes widening a bit, but then he relaxed again with a small smirk on his lips. "Nice try there, but I'm _quite_ sure they're on the right way. The back doesn't have this little replacement sheath," he reasoned, and Hiccup almost _literally_ burst into flames when the unfairly-attractive human patted the bulge in the front of his new pants in a self-satisfied manner.

Ah yes, that's right. Dragons didn't have the same sense of modesty humans did.

"G-good job," Hiccup ground out, just barely managing to not let his voice crack, "For future reference, the strings there are usually on the front and are used to tighten the waist."

The not-a-dragon blinked in surprise, and then looked down. Picking up a string with each hand, he made a kind of constipated expression before looking back up at Hiccup helplessly.

Hiccup stared uncomprehendingly for a moment before face-palming in realization.

"Oh, right. Dragon. You've probably never even _heard_ of knots," he muttered, and then moved forward with a slight reluctance to tie the front of the not-a-dragon's pants.

"That's not true," the snow-haired sometimes-human defended at once as Hiccup's fingers twiddled dangerously near uncharted territory, "I've heard of knots before. Wolves have them."

Hiccup continued in blissful ignorance for a full three seconds before his mind caught on to what the dragon's meaning was, and he almost punched the guy in the stomach before remembering that a mouthful of teeth and permafrost breath was only an explosion of snow and ice away.

"That was terrible and I would thank you to _never_ reference the reproductive equipment of wolves ever again," Hiccup groused, restarting his stilled fingers and finishing the knot with an expert tug. Stepping back and sitting back down on the flat rock, he adopted a thoughtful look before amending, " _Any_ canine, actually."

"Whatever," came the dragon's muffled voice from inside the shirt, which he had begun trying to don the moment Hiccup stepped back, "I don't make any promises, though. Humans are just so _sensitive_ about things like that."

After trying to forcibly shove his entire head down the left armhole of the shirt, the no-more-a-dragon added, "Dragons don't really care," and finally succeeded in popping his head out the correct opening.

" _Obviously_ ," Hiccup drawled, watching in amusement as the blue-eyed boy tried to figure out which way was forward on the thing, "And thank you, I appreciate it. You're right that humans are a little squeamish about things like that."

The not-a-dragon made a frustrated noise, but not at the shirt. "Yeah, tell me about it," he groused finally just giving up and choosing a sleeve at random, "In fact a _lot_ of things humans do is pretty useless. I can understand putting on clothes to stay warm, and I can understand washing it every-so-often, but By the Claws, why do you have so damn much of it?!"

Hiccup gave an amused snort as he watched the newly-made human realize the front of the shirt was too high up whilst the back was too far down. "It's called _fashion_ ," Hiccup enunciated snootily, as so many visiting nobles had stressed to his clueless father when he asked them, "You used that word when we were flying, remember? I guess you don't actually know what it means?"

"Ah, no," the dragon said shortly as he withdrew his arms from inside the sleeves and rotated the shirt around from the inside, "But I can guess you're about to explain?"

"And people say dragons aren't smart," Hiccup teased with a grin, "'Fashion' is when you co-ordinate colours and styles of clothing to be pleasing to the eye."

"So, it's like dressing up dolls, except with yourself," the dragon summarized with only slight confusion in his tone, shoving his arms into the correct sleeves this time, and Hiccup beamed.

"Exactly!" he confirmed, and then immediately frowned in confusion. "Wait, how do you know about dressing up dolls?" he asked, brow furrowed, "You don't know about fashion but you know about dolls?"

" _Correct_ , little princeling," the human-dragon hummed teasingly, adjusting a few creases and pulling out a couple of places where the fabric of his clothing had bunched up, "I can overhear some things about humans by lurking around towns, and sometimes we learn things from people other dragons kidnap."

"Is that how you know my language?" Hiccup asked curiously, and the not-dragon looked up at him from untwisting his right sleeve.

"Actually no, that's a part of the human transformation spell," he explained with a small grin, and _wow_ those eyes should be illegal. Maybe Hiccup would outlaw them when he became King…

"Oh yeah, that's another thing," Hiccup said suddenly as he snapped back to attention, gesturing with both hands to the dragon's obviously-not-draconic body and questioning quite calmly, "What the ever-loving fuck?"

The dragon barked out a surprised laugh. "No beating around the bush, huh little princeling?" he asked teasingly, before giving a small shrug and negligent wave. "It's not really anything special. All dragons can do it with a little practise," he said as if it was the most plausible thing in the world, "How else would we get all the hot human gossip?"

Hiccup stared.

"You are something else, y'know that?" he finally asked, and the not-a-dragon beamed.

"Thanks!" he exclaimed happily, then gave a quick spin around and asked, "How do I look?"

Hiccup looked.

The shirt was his, and so it would have been _much_ too tight on the dragon's everywhere had he not been as thin as a shepherd's crook. As it was, the material slipped up to show a wide band of skin every time the new human so much as raised his arms, and the sleeves were almost too short to be comfortable.

The pants were in a similar situation, being too small and short for the frost human by a wide margin. The material clung to his legs like a second skin, because even though he was thin, _everyone_ was bigger than Hiccup. This was an especially poignant problem when it came to one area in particular, because even as Hiccup watched, the new human tried to tug the constricting material away from his crotch to no avail.

Then he realized he had been watching for quite a lot longer than he should have been and quickly looked back at the dragon's slightly amused face, grasping for something so say.

What he found was a deadpan, "Absolutely ravishing. Take me now."

The not-dragon's eyes widened and he stared for a moment, mouth working soundlessly, and then buried his face in his hands with a bright blush colouring his cheeks.

"I'm guessing that's a human thing?" came his muffled voice, "Saying things like that and not actually meaning them?"

And wow, Hiccup could not catch a break, could he? "Oh, uh, yes, that's a human thing," he stuttered, hands beginning to flutter around nervously as he hastened to explain, "It's called sarcasm. Meaning the opposite of what you say."

They stood like that for a count of five before the not-dragon lowered his hands and stared at Hiccup with an incredulously-offended look in his eyes. "So you think I'm ugly?" he clarified.

"Absolutely not!" Hiccup yelped immediately, and then flushed a bright, brilliant red as a pleased smile came across the white-haired human's face. "Wha-what I mean is," Hiccup hurriedly clarified, "Those clothes are too small for you, since they're mine. If you got some in your size they'd be fantastic."

The not-dragon's pleased smile turned into something that was distinctly shit-eating. "So you're saying I look fantastic?" he queried, and then burst out laughing when Hiccup's face grew even redder than before and buried his face in his hands.

"I hate dragons…" he mumbled.


End file.
